Posts Tagged ‘ drake ’

Ten Things that Sucked in 2010

Don’t worry gang, I’ve got more lists on the way to commemorate things I did like, but first we’re going to warm up with the garbage pile.

10.      Dubstep-They (meaning the internet) keep calling dubstep the punk of electronic music.  At first I thought that meant it was noisier and rawer, but it actually means that it’s easier to do and is trashier than the regular stuff.  Besides, the bass is so heavy, you need 800$ speakers to even hear it properly.  Fuck that.  Not really seeing the punk connection.  It’s amazing how inescapable this shit has become.  Talking to somebody about dubstep recently, he kept calling it “wuamp-wuamp.”  It’s a dumb title, but it’s still more accurate.  “Dubstep” sounds too sophisticated for such stupid music.  Dumb isn’t necessarily bad, I just want them to admit it and stop taking themselves so damn seriously.

 

I don’t know man; maybe I just don’t understand this stuff.  Sure, they’re warping the sound, but it still sounds pleasant.  There’s not enough dissonance in most electronic music.  It’s cold and sterile.  Dubstep is only taking half-measures.  It does get dirty, but it’s not enough.  There’s still a lack of humanity.  The machines are doing the heavy lifting.  That’s what sucks about techno.  There’s nothing wrong with using robots, but there is something wrong with letting the robots do all of the work.   And all of them are so pretentious about it too.  Hey, look at me!  I invented my own genre!  I’m that different.”  Fuck you dude.  You’ve got all this technology at your disposal, and this is all you can do with it?  Dan Deacon doesn’t have a ridiculous sub-sub-subgenre next to his name on his Wikipedia page.  Y’know why?  Because Dan Deacon’s cool.  He doesn’t give a shit.  Electronic subgenres are fucking ridiculous.  It’s the trendiest shit and they’ve got a new one every month.  Stop trying to be different (because you’re not) and start trying to be good.

 

9.      Heavy Rain-The year’s most “revolutionary” (somebody must’ve said it) videogame isn’t really a game.  I thought Heavy Rain was going to be a Choose-Your-Own-Adventure type of game.  All you do is walk around, talk to people, collect clues and other shit like that.  The beginning is fun as you try to figure out how to play, but eventually, the ridiculous story becomes too absurd, the gameplay gets boring, and I realized that no matter what you do, the ending is always the same.  I had already seen a friend complete the game the proper way, so I was determined to have some fun with it.  Unfortunately, none of your actions have consequence.  The story progresses to the next scene regardless of how you play.  Even killing your characters doesn’t get anything done.  Heavy Rain isn’t a game, it just tricks you into thinking it is.  One more thing, for a game that prided itself on its realistic characters, I was a little appalled by the lone female character-a reporter who spends at least the first half of the game taking showers, being another character’s nurse, and making out with said character.  As soon as she starts doing some actual reporting, she gets date-raped.  Classy.

 

8.      Passion Pit-No band this year went from mildly amusing to fucking unbearable faster than these guys.  Catchy songs and good hooks can only take you so far before the unbearably effeminate voice of Michael Angelakos becomes the only thing I hear.  I was hoping they’d win me over when I saw them live at the Sasquatch music fest, but they only sounded worse than they did on the record and the excessive amount of douche bags kind of killed the atmosphere.  Living in dorms with a bunch of other buffoons, I had to hear “Sleepyhead” four times a day last semester, and I’m glad to be through with it.

7.      Blackest Night/Brightest Day

Geoff Johns is starting to piss me off.  Has he not been reading Batman?  Dan DiDio clearly does not give a shit what DC publishes as long as it sells.  Johns has been given a massive corner of the DCU to play with with these two crossover titles, and what has he done with it? One good Martian Manhunter story.  Blackest Night didn’t really matter.  After an incredible first two issues, the zombie comic became textbook dull as the story progressed.  In the end, nothing really mattered, and a bunch of C-List characters got resurrected, because, hey, there certainly aren’t a lot of good living characters to write about.  All of these resurrected people then went on their own sucky adventures in the immediate follow-up Brightest Day.  Brightest Day is an example of comic-fandom at its worst.  Hawk and Dove and company were never compelling characters to begin with, and the comic makes no attempts to improve most of its 30-man cast.  Move on already.  Let a dead dog lie.  Is Aquaman so beloved a property that he has to be revived every five years for another shitty adventure that still won’t work?  Get over it, people.  Most of the stories weren’t very interesting.  Some of them were just plain stupid.  Only the Marian Manhunter tale has any bite to it.  The comic isn’t over yet, but I gave up after issue 13 anyway.  Can Geoff Johns be trusted anymore?  Or is he just a bond company stooge dead-set on maintaining the status quo?

6.      Kick-Ass-The Movie, not the comic.  Hey, what if the Spider-Man movie was just about a crazy kid in a wetsuit getting the snot beat out of him?

Okay, sounds cool.

Yeah, and what if the Spider-Man movie had more swearing, and shitty action, and it was kind of gory?  What if Peter Parker wasn’t relatably pathetic, but obnoxiously pathetic?  What if the fight scenes all looked like shit?  What if, even though we took away all of the superpowers, the script still had leaps in logic that made Spider-Man 3 seem plausible?  What if, at the end, the hero defined by his incompetence straps on a jetpack with attached machine guns and saves the day?

Wait, what?

Fuck this movie.  People have been sucking its dick for how bold and innovative it was, even though it was just a terrible looking, juvenile rehash of comic book tropes with added swearing.  Kick-Ass’s big selling point is the real world setting, but they forego nearly everything that makes the real world matter.  At least discuss hospital bills or something, sheesh.

5.      Kid Cudi-Kid Cudi is bad for hip hop.  He doesn’t make my blood boil the way Drake does, but his own personal brand of arrogance is still obnoxious.  He’s that stoner kid in your high school English class who loooooooooooooooooves drawing attention to how weird and interesting he is.  His music does often forsake traditional rap structure, but I’m not about to congratulate him for just that.  Get some lyrics, Cudi.  Stop rhyming words with themselves, stop writing so many songs about weed, and stop assuming that just because you’re sad, you’re also deep.

5.      Shadowland-Brightest Day might’ve been a great exercise in treading water, but at least that’s to be expected from a DC event comic (Even one only starring C-listers.)  After two groundbreaking Daredevil runs by Brian Michael Bendis and Ed Brubaker, it looked like this one was going to be the craziest yet, but Andy Diggle gave up halfway through and decided to make a comic that reads exactly as you expect, only more boring.  Daredevil, now the leader of the ninja cult The Hand, has declared martial law in Hell’s Kitchen and builds the title fortress in the middle of town.  Has he finally lost it?  Has he gone too far?  Nah, don’t worry.  It was just a demon controlling him.  The comic flakes out in the character development, and nothing of importance happens.  Unable to come up with anything better than a reset, Andy Diggle proved that he was indeed a bond company stooge.  In the miniseries’ final issue, Iron Fist and Luke Cage deliver some meta-commentary on the comic.  Motioning towards Bullseye’s corpse, Luke says “Well, at least he’s still dead.” To which Iron Fist replies “Small consolation.”  Indeed.  What could’ve been a decent story got bloated into oblivion until it was just another big pile of nothing.

3.      The Lost Finale-What can I say about this that hasn’t already been said?  Even I got in on the action earlier this year, and anybody who cares about Lost already has their own opinion about the ending.  Regardless, the fact remains that they ended exactly how they said they wouldn’t, and wasted half of a season doing it.  Thanks for the memories, guys.

2.      Drake-There is only one logical explanation for Wheelchair Jimmy’s rap career. He and Lil Wayne are secret lovers, and Weezy ghost writes all of Drake’s good raps.  I’m not a homophobe man, I just call it like I see it.  But seriously, he doesn’t even have an original flow.  Listen to a Drake song.  Can’t you hear those rhymes coming out of Lil Wayne’s mouth?  Drake depresses me.  He’s a former child actor from a Canadian teen soap, he appears in Sprite commercials, he’s had it made for the majority of his young life, and nobody even bats an eye.  Given his circumstances, Drake should be a rapper with class, but god forbid anybody have some integrity.  He’s talking about the same stupid material shit all these young rappers like to rhyme about.  He’s just Lil Wayne-lite from Canada, and he’s got no taste in beats.  Fuck Drake.

1.      The Social Network-

Mark Zuckerberg is an asshole.  20 minutes later-Mark Zuckerberg is an asshole.  2 hours later-Mark Zuckerberg is an asshole.  I don’t care if he’s a real person, he’s still not interesting, and I want to punch him in the face.  Almost every single character in this movie is a rich douchebag, everybody wins in the end, and it doesn’t have anything insightful to say.  It left a bad taste in my mouth.  It’s like a 2 ½ hour episode of King of the Hill where every character is Peggy.  The Social Network is a movie we didn’t need.  It’s not a story worth telling.  Can’t we wait just a little bit longer, and see where this real-life drama develops?  I guess that’s the thing, though.  That’s all there is.  Everybody’s a rich asshole and that’s all they want to be.

 

This movie is boring.  Nothing ever really happens.   This shouldn’t be a problem for the guy who directed Zodiac, but it is.  There’s a few times when they pretend that something’s happening, like that idiotic rowing race,* but Fincher lets Aaron Sorkin’s script do the heavy lifting.  Every character talks in that stylized tone where they’ve always got something clever to say. It keeps things interesting for a bit, but it’s not enough to save the movie.  The characters are all kept at a distance.  It’s impossible to get inside anybody’s head.  We’re only given a chance to identify with one character, and he’s not even in it that often.  If the movie had been from Eduardo’s point-of-view, maybe we would’ve gotten a quality flick, but it seems doubtful.

 

Besides, what kind of loser makes a movie about Facebook instead of adapting Black Hole? Now Fincher’s next movie is going to be an American-ized adaptation of a best-seller that’s already been made into a movie.  I don’t want to say that that’s a Ron Howard move, but that’s a Ron Howard move.

 

I might be missing something, but I don’t care anymore.  I really hate this movie.

 

*A gold star for anybody who can tell why that scene matters.

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Two Reviews-Girl Talk and Kanye West

the cover.

So last Monday was pretty nice.  A new Girl Talk album out of nowhere?  Yes please.  I haven’t reviewed anything in a good long while, and here was something new giving me the opportunity to beat all of those official reviews to the punch.  Right on.  So how is All Day?

Pretty damn good.  The songs actually sound like songs instead of a bunch of shit mashed together.  He really slowed down for this one.  Maybe that’s not everybody’s cup of tea, but I love it.  Right from the get-go, I could tell this was going to be different.  The album opening mash lasts over a minute.  It was great.  I actually get to listen to something awesome like Rude Boy/Waiting Room instead of hearing 20 seconds and wondering what the rest of the song would sound like.  Of course, this patience thing can be a double edged sword.  There’s no saving Souljah Boi and Black Eyed Peas songs.  It just can’t be done.  Stop trying.  Quit.  Please.  Same goes for the Phil Collins.

A lot of time is spent trying to recreate old tricks.  Looking for the next Lil Mama/Metallica moment?  Yeah, there’s about four of those.  Biggie anthems and 70s rock?  Check.  Radiohead samples?  You fuckin know it.  Some samples come across a little too obvious, like we knew it was coming.  Guess that’ll happen when you’ve accumulated 800 mini-mashes already.  The good news is that parts like these have mostly replaced the more obnoxious “30 songs in 30 seconds” that made up the less listenable parts of (or all of) the previous albums.  It’s no quantum leap in any way.  There’s still an excessive amount of 80s power ballads and bunches of people just shouting “yeah!”

All Day excels with unfamiliar territory too .  For example, Ludacris shows up three times, and each part kicks ass.  I only recognized the first one, a War Pigs/Move, Bitch mash.  The others work because he’s letting the music breathe a bit and develop more naturally.  All Day manages to make a lot of awful rappers sound good.  It was the fourth or fifth listen before I realized a part was B.O.B.’s shitty hit single “Nothing on You.”  Turns out there was a good rapper buried in that tomb of overproduction.  He even makes Drake sound good once.  I fuckin hate Drake.  In my defense, he does appear twice and the other part kind of pisses me off.

It’s a dense, grueling record, but it’s worth it.  All Day sounds more like an actual album than anything Girl Talk’s done prior.  Probably the best one yet.

And then this came out…

My, ahem, Beautiful Dark Twisted Fantasy

Everything about this album is nuts.  Mr West went all over the place on this one.  When it’s good it’s great, but when it’s bad, it’s fucking awful.  Luckily, there are not any truly awful songs, just a handful that go on way too long.  It’s big, bad, and doesn’t give a fuck what you think.  Yeah, that title is incredibly gay, but it’s not gonna let you hold it back, Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaad.   (From now on, My Beatuful Dark Twisted Fantasy will be referred to as My Fantasy Ass Job)

Moreso than anything else, My Fantasy Ass Job is bold.  How bold?

Lex Luthor in Prison bold.

Kanye seems to indulge in every impulse he gets, looking for something that’ll stick.  Being him, almost everything does stick.  It’s a hell of a record.   Musically, every track impresses.  Lyrically, it’s a big angry ball of arrogance, spitting in the face of good taste.  It’s easily West’s best album since Late Registration, but it’s the work of a guy at his most decadent, hedonistic, and most of all, evil.

 

He’s taken the ego to the next logical step-supervillain.  On Power, West claims “every superhero needs his theme music.”  I’m not sure what stunt he’s trying to pull, because he sounds like a good guy on maybe two of these tracks.  Jason Greene wrote that Kid Cudi’s influence was all over this one, so I’ll see his Kid Cudi and raise him a Jay-Z.  My Fantasy Ass Job is Kanye’s new and improved version of Blueprint 3.  The blueprint apparently being “Throw shit at the fan, but only if the fan is made of diamonds.”  Jay always came across as so smug, rapping about nothing but money with an aw shucks attitude.  It was a record drunk on its own hype.  Kanye at least has the sense to know what to do with the money.  The lavish production budget wasn’t wasted on designer jetskis.  If it sounds like a brass band, that’s because it probably is.  For all the money stuffed into this, it still sounds surprisingly fresh.  Nothing ever gets buried in Kanye’s pleasure pit.

Presumably what the pleasure pit looks like.

I don’t hate the supervillain stuff, but it keeps everything so heavy and dour.  This aint the Kanye West who had a sense of humor or gave a shit about poor people.  We get every other possible position he can twist himself into, but Your friend, Kanye is oddly absent.  Apart from the whole “detachment from humanity” thing, complaints just boil down to nitpicking.  “So much head I woke up in Sleepy Hollow?”  What’s that supposed to mean?  There’s a few more Sleepy Hollow related rhymes around here and it doesn’t sound like anybody’s actually read it.  That stuff always bugs me.  Also, “All of the Lights” has 11 guests including Rihanna, Kid Cudi, and Elton John.  It’s impossible to pick all of them apart, and MIA is missing.  I know she’s missing because Fergie shows up obviously trying to sound exactly like her.  I have to wonder why Kanye couldn’t get the real deal.  He spent a few million dollars on this thing recording in fucking Hawaii of all places, and he couldn’t get MIA?  Would’ve been cool.  However, credit must be given where credit is due.  Fergie doesn’t do half-bad.  I know, I know.  I ain’t mad at her, but I ain’t glad at her.

I am glad about Rick Ross.  Mr West makes everybody sound incredible on this one, but Devil in a New Dress transforms Ross into a rapper as good as he says he is..  Shit man, way to go.  I didn’t think you had it in you.  This is even cooler than the time Young Jeezy became a demon on the last albumWHOAHOLDUP.

It just occurred to me than Drake is nowhere to be found on My Fantasy Ass Job.  But The RZA is, and Raekwon, and Nicki Minaj, and Bon Iver, and Pusha T and Elton John .  Nice.

All of the Lights isn’t alone in its excesses.  Nearly every song is a tad bloated.  Runaway, so good when he was doing it live, goes on twice as long as it has to and I could do without the “beautiful death” coda on “Power.”  Are fuzzed-out autotune solos cool?  Maybe for 30 seconds, but certainly not 5 minutes.  The one song that I do want to keep hearing forever only lasts 3 minutes.  Sigh…  It’s so good, my biggest complaint is that I want more.  It’s a true monsterpiece, a city devouring gelatinous blob.  But if you set your mind to it, it wouldn’t be hard to just go into Audacity and cut out the “Nicki Minaj quoting Neil Gaiman” intro, the end of “Blame Game” where Chris Rock talks to a sex slave for two and a half minutes, and separate Runway into two songs, throw “The Joy” and “Good Friday” into the mix for that wee bit of humanity, delete the second half of Runaway and we’d be set.  That’s it; I’m gonna go build the better Monsterpiece.  Shit already comes with 12 covers.

*Checked and saw that MIA appears on a bonus track on the deluxe version.  So that’s an improvement.

*Update-So in the time I started writing this and the time I finished,all of those bonus tracks disappeared from the Amazon and Wikipedia pages.  Maybe they’ll turn up on Watch the Throne.  Who knows?

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